So it is early in the morning of September 12, in the year 2006 and I am coming to terms with the fact that this emotional, intellectual rollercoaster that I've been on basically ever since I arrived back on campus...is not ending anytime soon.
This is not a happy realization for me, as I've been treating it as normal and sort of been trying to deal with it by talking about it as something "wierd" to the people that I love...when it may simply be the new normal. Whatever normal is. This is probably not a good thing since more and more details seem to be escaping me, my motivation goes from extreme highs and lows very quickly, as do my feelings of happiness and despair, and of course you know there are those lovely college student fears that seem to envelope me on some days.
It's like a funk that I cannot get out of. And normally I would not put this on my little blog, which I have carefully designed the parameters of (see title) so as to differentiate it from an online journal, xanga, facebook note, myspace page, etc. You (the reader whoever you are, most likely imaginary) don't care about my personal melodrama. At least a step up is my ponderings about life which might at least remind you about your own ponderings or opinions and then you could participate in my internal dialogue in the form of a comment.
Such is the theory of this thing called the blog I believe. Maybe I misunderstood.
Anyway, all of that is to say that I believe this rollercoaster is making me face, well, ME.
The me that is Hannah today and not Hannah two years ago, or six months ago, or even a month and a half ago. The Hannah that has completed two years of college, spent 5 months in DC interning, spent 2 months in a different internship that sucked the energy out of her.
This is Hannah that often does not care and yet still remembers caring way too much about the world.
This is the Hannah who believes in community and is beginning to see what she wants in her life for real. Not the dreams of highschool, or the dreams designed by society or my parental unit, or my friends.
This is the Hannah who's realizing the limits of academia and yet fearful of the openness of action.
This is the Hannah who still follows through on ideas and yet regrets doing so more quickly than before.
This is the Hannah that gets tired much quicker and is not sure why.
This is the Hannah who hopes to goodness that it's okay if she changes and wonders if it's not too late.
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