Thoughts on Studying Abroad...

So, ever since I've returned to Valpo I've been sort of haunted about leaving again to study abroad. Ever since I said it out loud I've been trying to deal with the fact that I'm scared, and there are many things that make me simply not want to do it.

For example -

I have no desire to go alone and experience it alone.
I have no desire to go through that month long dive into a foreign culture, with a language that I'm completely inept at, be homesick, be friendsick, and oh yeah, BE ALONE.
That idea simply sucks.

And yet I know that I have to because 1) I would regret not doing so. 2) It's the only way I'll be able to figure out what I want to do at some point in the future. 3) It's the plan, damn it. And whether or not I knew what the hell I was doing when I made that plan, well. I made it. And what else would I really do anyway? It's not like Valpo has an abundance of Middle Eastern courses anyway...

Which is what made me occur to write this post. I'm filling out my 2nd study abroad application, this one to Al-Akhawayn University and I had to pick my top ten course choices and put them in order of priority. Wow. I couldn't pick. There were so many good ones to choose from! Moroccan History, North African Government, Economic Development in North Africa & the Middle East, Islamic Art & Architecture, The Middle East and the United States, International Law, Women and Society...I could go on and on! Wow. Amazing.

When I was talking to Kellee tonight, she told me should would go back and relive the initial suckiness of Mexico again rather than trade the experience. I'm sure that's true.

I just can't help feeling like I will be that slim percentage of people who really just don't enjoy their study abroad experience. Of course, that's also scary since what does that say about my major? But then if I do turn out to love it...what will that change about my life in the future?


Does the fear ever go away in adulthood or does it just change?